Sometimes absolution is painful. During our Lord’s passion, Peter denied Jesus three times. And here in our reading from John 21 today, Jesus forgives Peter three times, absolves him three times. It’s a beautiful moment. And yet, it’s a painful moment for Peter. It hurts him to hear Jesus ask him again and again whether he loves him because, in his despair and sorrow, he interprets this as Jesus doubting whether he’s really devoted. Peter is still haunted by the fear that this is all just a test that will result in his cowardice and sin being exposed.
We’re haunted by that fear too. I suppose there are many reasons why people are terrified of private confession and absolution, but one of them is certainly that they don’t want to endure the test that they’ll fail. It’s one thing to vaguely confess with the group and hear a rather broad word of absolution and then have that vague, slight fear that the word of forgiveness didn’t really land on you. But what if you stand before your pastor and speak your sins out loud, and through his mouth, Jesus tells you that your sins are too much for Jesus to bear, that you don’t really love Him, that you’ve failed the test?
Don’t be afraid. When Jesus says, “feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep,” this wasn’t a test. It was a proclamation of Christ’s enduring faithfulness. a moment that shows the unlimited mercy of our Lord. When Jesus asks Peter whether he loves him three times, He’s not doing this because he’s uncertain, but because he wants Peter to be certain that he has been forgiven for every time he denied Jesus. And so it is for you. The discomfort of sitting before your pastor and announcing your sins out loud is not a test. It’s an invitation to receive the limitless mercy of Jesus Christ. It’s not an audition, a way for you to show that, despite everything you still love your Lord. It’s a way for your Lord to show you that, when you covered yourself in the greatest of betrayals and denials, He went to the cross for you, lifted you from the deep, and clothed you in His mercy. Endure the hurt. It will transform into joy when you hear the words, “in the stead and by the command of my Lord Jesus Christ, I forgive you all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
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